Carla Golian, 2016, oil on canvas, 40.6 x 50.8 cm.
So we’re in the new year, 2015, the year of the sheep in the Chinese horoscope. I thought it a great time to reflect back to the past year, when I remembered whilst growing up (mind you, I don’t think I’ll ever stop growing up, heck, I even feel infantile still, in some aspects) how adept I was at erasing my memories. I could, with great ease, erase all traces of the memories which were hurtful or painful. I had the system mastered; No traces left. But now, I realize the importance of remembering, for how else, will we ever learn?
I believe living a life devoid of self improvement is a life wasted. 2014 was a year of great triumph; I finally broke through my first chakra. I don’t think I will ever forget the moment it happened. I was taking a bubble bath, meditating, when feelings of rage and anger started bubbling inside of me. I moaned and groaned, releasing these emotions and when I opened my eyes, everything was painted Red. I blinked and squeezed my eyes, trying to clear the red silhouette clouding my vision. Everything was colored a red hue. I blinked yet again, alarmed– it persisted. I took a look around, everything in my view had a red hue to it. It was then when I felt something release, and the experience of seeing everything painted red in my vision became fascinating. It was the color of blood, even space was a hazy cloud of red…. I kept blinking and blinking, trying to make it go away, but it would not. That is when I just let it be; I was floating in redness, absorbing it all.
It bears mentioning that this came about from a conscious effort of beginning a chakra cleanse a couple of months prior. Now, let’s rewind back a couple of decades and a few more years. As far back as I can remember, probably from the time I first started writing, my place of residence was always in my crown chakra. Usually the head chakra, but oftentimes, my crown chakra; when people’s lips would move, I could not hear what they were saying, because I was not even there. I liked being away; out of my body, far away. Hence, why oftentimes people would look at me as if I was a weirdo. I would get those looks, you know? Sometimes even from my friends. But it mattered not, for I was in a beautiful place.
This lack of being in touch with my lower chakras was evident even in my yoga practice. For the life of me, I could not balance. As strong and flexible as my body is, balance eluded me–until last year. Now I can balance on one foot and I am a stone wall. A pillar reaching down to the core of the earth.
It is amazing how, sometimes, no matter how hard I try at something, it does not work out. But when the time is right, it occurs magically, as if following a recipe written by an invisible hand. Perhaps even my own hand, before I was even born.
In 2015, I will strive for greater self improvement, as I usually have done and do, actually all the time. I have a feeling it will be a year of peeling off the masks. Masks which are beginning to suffocate me.
So to all, I wish you a year of excitement and discoveries. And what better discovery than that of the self?
A bright sun radiates and shines, warming their skin as they walk on the sand, hand in hand. Bare feet, rhythmic steps, in tune with each other, watching the waves dance and sing a melodic tune that plays God’s symphony.
Eros looks at Amora as she looks out to the horizon, the endless tranquil horizon. Curious thoughts pass through his mind. What is she thinking about so deep in her thoughts? What is so important to her? Is she not happy with all the love I give her? What more could anybody want besides the full devotion of a loved one?
Amora smiles, sensing his attention on her, turns around and looks at him. He smiles at her beautiful face; their hearts smile along. Enamored by his beauty, she kisses the lips, decorating his entire face in her loving kisses. Eros seizes her pulling her close, squeezing her body against his and giving her the longest kiss. In love, they smile and continue walking down the ocean shore.
Amora looks at Eros, looking out into the distance, curious thoughts pass through her head. What is my love thinking about? Is there anyone else in his heart besides me? Why is he so distant sometimes? Can’t he see how much I love him? He looks at her before she finishes her thought, sweeps her, lifting her up, and spins her with the music in the air. She runs to the water as he puts her down, looking back at Eros, beckoning his call.
The water caresses her feet, sending cold chills to her spine. Eros runs after Amora in a chase, splashing through the water in desperate anticipation—running and playing, so free and wild, smiling and laughing, in each other’s hearts. Lost in a space without limits or walls, recreating the dream in their souls of their first encounter. Without hesitation, he charges to her, capturing her in a frenzy, forcing her to the ground, pinning her down.
The waves wash over them, bathing their clothes and skin in cool caresses. The sun sets in her hair, shimmering rays reflect off her face. He kisses her neck, her chest, hearing the pounding of her heart screaming the sounds of her love that resonate through his lips into his heart.
Engulfed in warmth and wetness, their bodies vibrate to each other’s sounds. He glimpses at her dreamy face, off in a distant place. He wonders why she’s in a daze, what mazes her face, just as she looks at his face, “I love you” she says. “I love you” he says, embracing each other as the earth embraces them in their love.
The sounds of those three magical words set their bodies into a symphony of love, drifting them into God’s aria, harmonizing endless musical masterpieces.
© 2013 Dreams of Love