With the sound of the truth, or was it anger?
it matters not, right now!
You shattered my heart into a million pieces.
Those words, that weapon
they’re playing in my head, again and again.
Tell me, did you mean it, or was it just anger?
It matters for tomorrow.
But today, the deed is done.
The stab in my heart, you can’t take it back, it can’t be undone.
Now, only time is my best friend.
Only time can heal me now.
©1997
It was a warm sunny day in my backyard when I noticed a ladybug in my pool. I stepped inside and brought ladybug out of the water.
We, ladybug and I, symbiosed for quite a while. She tried to fly away, but she could not.
She tried to extend her wings, but her wing covers, the elytra, were stuck because they were wet and she tried to fly away, but could not.
She crawled on my hand for some time, then tried again to lift her elytra, but she could not. Poor ladybug, I could feel her frustration.
Then, after numerous attempts, she finally lifted her black dotted, red elytra. Oh I was so happy!
Next, she tried to extend her wings, but she could not.
The wings under the elytra are ever so delicate and thin. Poor lady bug! Now I felt the struggle escalate; her wings were crumpled and stuck together. She tried and tried, but still she could not. I was suffering with her.
She kept exerting pressure, but the wet wings would not budge, they were crumpled in a ball. She kept exerting pressure and more pressure, until eventually I started to see the ball open up, one small increment at a time. Her wings would open up, dry a little. As they did, it looked as if they were completely broken. I thought, poor ladybug, she cannot fly ever again.
But after many, many repetitions and attempts, finally she was able to fully extend her wings. Oh how beautiful they looked, so delicate, tiny, thin and alive, and I could feel how relieved she was, stretching in victory and stretching them wide.
She crawled forward in an attempt to fly off, but she could not.
On the next attempt though, she flew off my finger. But sweet little ladybug could not fly too far and fell right back into the pool, in the same spot I had found her.
Oh ladybug made me laugh and almost cry. I picked her back up again, she crawled out of the pool and onto my hand. There we were again, back to square one. I put lady bug down on the floor next to me, as I wanted to get to reading Brida by Paulo Coelho.
After a short while, I looked down to see if lady bug was still there, I did not see her. She must have flown away. Her destiny, I do not know, maybe she was destined to stay in the pool, maybe she fell back in the pool again, or maybe she flew off to where she was going before I found her in the pool. I would like to think she flew off far and away.
© 2009
She was wearing a white wife beater when they walked into the clothing store. They all scattered, going to the different racks.
She walked through the store uninterested in any of the items when a black tank top with a cross, caught her eye. She inspected the front and back. The backside had the same design running through the vertical length of it. She loved the style and thought to try it on.
She walked into the dressing room, took off her white wife beater and slipped on the black one. The fit was perfect-she decided to buy it. She thought to keep it on since it looked better than the white one she had walked in with. Putting the white one into her purse, she walked out of the dressing room and headed towards the register to pay, when the thought crossed her mind- if she was to walk out of the store without paying for it, would anyone notice?
A rush of paranoia shot through her body. It’s not right, I’m going to pay for it right now, I don’t want to deal with the karmic energy. But I can’t let go of this feeling, I want to go through it all the way. Fuck it! I’m going to do it. All the while observing everyone in the store, accessing if her plan could go through. Piece of cake!.
Exhilarated, she tried hard to prevent her heartbeat from skyrocketing and revealing her secret, all the while taking an inventory of all the workers and the numerous customers. No one was paying any attention to her, or her tank top. She changed directions and joined her friends.
They left the store making small talk. Inconspicuously, she looked back to make sure no one was after her. A strong sense of relief, of achievement, washed over her, when she saw the coast was clear. That heavy feeling had turned into a soft, tingly, almost numbing sensation on her skin, and her heart was beating a different beat-calmer-not as intense and life threatening as she was feeling just a few minutes ago.
She thought, after all, it was a piece of cake, because neither one of her three friends even noticed the change of color of her shirt from white to black.
©2009
