Category: the dark night

So we’re in the new year, 2015, the year of the sheep in the Chinese  horoscope. I thought it a great time to reflect back to the past year, when I remembered whilst growing up (mind you, I don’t think I’ll ever stop growing up, heck, I even feel infantile still, in some aspects) how adept I was at erasing my memories. I could, with great ease, erase all traces of the memories which were hurtful or painful. I had the system mastered; No traces left. But now, I realize the importance of remembering, for how else, will we ever learn?

I believe living a life devoid of self improvement is a life wasted. 2014 was a year of great triumph; I finally broke through my first chakra. I don’t think I will ever forget the moment it happened. I was taking a bubble bath, meditating, when feelings of rage and anger started bubbling inside of me. I moaned and groaned, releasing these emotions and when I opened my eyes, everything was painted Red. I blinked and squeezed my eyes, trying to clear the red silhouette clouding my vision.  Everything was colored a red hue. I blinked yet again, alarmed– it persisted. I took a look around, everything in my view had a red hue to it. It was then when I felt something release, and the experience of seeing everything painted red in my vision became fascinating. It was the color of blood, even space was a hazy cloud of red…. I kept blinking and blinking, trying to make it go away, but it would not. That is when I just let it be; I was floating in redness, absorbing it all.

It bears mentioning that this came about from a conscious effort of beginning a chakra cleanse a couple of months prior. Now, let’s rewind back a couple of decades and a few more years. As far back as I can remember, probably from the time I first started writing, my place of residence was always in my crown chakra. Usually the head chakra, but oftentimes, my crown chakra; when people’s lips would move, I could not hear what they were saying, because I was not even there. I liked being away; out of my body, far away. Hence, why oftentimes people would look at me as if I was a weirdo. I would get those looks, you know? Sometimes even from my friends. But it mattered not, for I was in a beautiful place.

This lack of being in touch with my lower chakras was evident even in my yoga practice. For the life of me, I could not balance. As strong and flexible as my body is, balance eluded me–until last year. Now I can balance on one foot and I am a stone wall. A pillar reaching down to the core of the earth.

It is amazing how, sometimes, no matter how hard I try at something, it does not work out. But when the time is right, it occurs magically, as if following a recipe written by an invisible hand. Perhaps even my own hand, before I was even born.

In 2015, I will strive for greater self improvement, as I usually have done and do, actually all the time. I have a feeling it will be a year of peeling off the masks. Masks which are beginning to suffocate me.

So to all, I wish you a year of excitement and discoveries. And what better discovery than that of the self?

Ultreya.